I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
vagina is talking i cant
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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