I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
