a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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