I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I need moral support for this bender
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got inside last night via doggy door
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
