I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
