If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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