pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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