i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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