My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
