There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
