Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
