They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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