I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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