Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
