Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
