I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
