So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize