Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
