The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
