it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
