I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
