also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
