No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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