He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
