You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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