I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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