I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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