Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
