Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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