Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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