I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize