We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
