I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your cock deserves a montage
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
