Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
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You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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