Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
