i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
50% drunk capacity currently
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
