we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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