i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
