i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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