Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
