I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
