In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize