i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Every concussion has its silver lining
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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