What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You pole danced in your parka.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
