What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
