Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
