I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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