if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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