its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
