My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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