Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
