saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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