but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
