You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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