I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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