I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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