I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
