I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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