Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
