I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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