WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
